Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

The Tricky Balance of Self-Mastery

May 1, 2018

ScalesI’ve been getting advice and guidance from Kirk Duncan, a local teacher and mentor. A principle that I learned from him goes like this – self-accountability + self-forgiveness = self-mastery. I really like that. And the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this principle is one of the main keys to success for anything in life.

There has to be a balance at all times. If you’re too much on the side of self-forgiveness, you’ll tend to be way too easy on yourself. You’ll just take the attitude that everything is fine and you don’t need to work or improve; that just getting by is all that’s required. In a way, it’s a nice way to be. Less stressful and actually healthier physically and mentally. The problem is that you don’t progress that way. You can’t coast your way to greater success in life. Pretty much anything worthwhile to accomplish in life takes a certain amount of effort, discipline and even sacrifice.

On the other hand, if you’re too much on the side of self-accountability, you’ll be way too hard on yourself. You will have no patience with your faults and weaknesses. If you’re a real go-getter, you may be thinking that you shouldn’t have patience with yourself like that. But it creates a great deal of stress in you that can tear you up inside, destroy health and relationships, and rob you of all happiness. Life is a journey that was meant to be enjoyed. Besides, what I’ve seen in my own life and the lives of others is that without self-forgiveness, you really don’t move forward effectively.

Here’s a little-known secret – success is often the product of joy, not the cause of it! Too many people are pushing themselves harder and harder, making themselves sick and miserable to accomplish their goals, while actually pushing their goals further away. Being sick and miserable does NOT attract success and happiness. Yes, progressing in life and accomplishing goals take effort and sacrifice, but you can do it while feeling joy, not putting off experiencing joy until your goal is accomplished. That’s where self-forgiveness comes in. If you’re really driven to accomplishing great things, you may be prone to beating yourself up every time you fall short of being where you want to be or finishing something you wanted to have done. Feelings of self-worth help to attract greater success. But if you’re constantly beating yourself up every time you make a mistake or don’t accomplish what you wanted to do, you will devalue yourself and put yourself into a place where it’s difficult to think positive and attract good things into your life.

So the key here is balance. If you can maintain accountability for your performance and setting and working toward goals, while forgiving yourself for falling short and for your natural limitations and weaknesses, you can move forward and accomplish great things in your life. It requires a healthy amount of self-honesty and the ability to distinguish reasons from excuses. But even when we fall victim to our own excuses, even the lame ones, we have to understand that we are human and as such, have natural faults and weaknesses. It’s important that we forgive ourselves but then immediately recommit to get back on track and do better next time. Just like a baby learning to walk, there is not a limitation on the number of failed attempts to do better. As long as you commit yourself and keep moving forward, you are a success!

 

Thinking Like A Winner

April 5, 2014

Mental PowerSuccess, in any area of your life, is 90% mental/emotional and 10% physical action. That’s my experience at least. In a football game, I think that the pep talk beforehand can be as important as the practices and scrimmages. The game must first be won in the head before it can be won on the field. Can you imagine a boxer being interviewed before a big bout saying, “I really think I’m going to get creamed but by golly, I’m going to go in and do my best”? I had a young rugby player in my office the other day who was saying that they were going up against a team that they had no real chance of beating. I told him that if he thought that way, they’ve already lost the game. I loved to watch the skiers in the winter Olympics before making their run. You’d see them going through the course perfectly in their head. They weren’t thinking about falling or missing turns. They were seeing themselves doing the best run of their life. In this instance, I’m referring to the champions. Those who gave into fear and doubt didn’t do so well.

It’s much easier to see these examples in the sports world. But most of us aren’t professional athletes. Our games are much more subtle and complex. The principles can be applied in a very similar manner however. Occasionally, we’re surprised by outcomes. We lose when we think we’re going to win, or we just happen to win when we were sure we would lose. For the most part though, things turn out pretty close to what we expect. If we don’t win the game first in our own mind, then it’s far less likely that we’ll win in real life.

How do you get to that point? Maybe you’re good at visualizing successful outcomes. However, if you’re like many people who have experienced plenty of failure, especially in a certain area of your life that you’re trying to turn around (finances, relationships, health, etc.), clearly picturing yourself winning where you have previously failed can be extremely difficult. In many cases, it’s very difficult to do it without help. There are a number of techniques that professionals use to help you change your mindset, such as EFT (tapping), Emotion Code, RPT (reference point therapy), EVOX, hypnosis, etc.

There are also coaches that can help you. In my profession as a chiropractor, I’ve worked with a number of practice management consultants. The problem is that with some people who are really successful in their profession, they don’t really have a clear understanding of how they got there. It may have come very naturally to them and so they never had to consciously work to achieve success. I don’t mean that they didn’t work hard to get where they are. Most of them did. But then they get the idea that if they can teach others to walk like them, talk like them, and act like them, other people should have no trouble achieving the same level of success that they did. The problem with that is that, as I pointed out earlier, success is 90% mental/emotional. So even if you are able to learn to walk and talk and act like the people you admire, chances are you will not achieve the type of success that they have until you learn to THINK like they do. Generally speaking, you don’t get to where you can think like a winner by winning. Instead it’s the other way around. You become a winner because you learn to think like a winner. There are many self-help books out there that can help you with this. I especially like the ones by Leslie Householder. It’s also very helpful to rid yourself of some of your old emotional baggage by using one or more of the techniques mentioned in the last paragraph.

Put yourself in a vibration to receive success (the good things that you want to attain or achieve in your life that will help to bring you joy). Focus on your goals, not on your trials. Remove as many roadblocks as possible. Learn from those who have attained success, especially those who struggled to get to that point. Apply these principles to every area of your life, including your physical, mental and emotional health. Live your life with joy.