Archive for the ‘happiness’ Category

The Partial Illusion of Free Will

February 15, 2021

First of all, I want to explain why I’m writing this. I have started and stopped a number of times, fearing that I would be misunderstood. And yet, I believe it’s important that I convey this information. I don’t want anyone to misuse this information to excuse unhealthy behavior or to just give up and stop trying to do the right thing. However, there are two main reasons why it’s important to understand the principles that I will be discussing here. First, it will help us to be less judgmental of other people. Secondly, it will help you to not be so hard on yourself. It’s not healthy to constantly beat yourself up about your shortcomings.

We like to think that we are consciously in charge of our words and actions. (It would be nice if we felt like we were totally in control of our emotions, but most people realize that they are not.) So, it can be very hard to understand why we do and say the things that we do. Our conscious thoughts and intentions don’t always match up with what actually happens in our life. Why is that? And what’s up with all those other people? Are they crazy? Why do they think the way they do and do such ridiculous things? After all, they have their free will. So why don’t they use it more responsibly?

The mind is such a complex thing. Back in high school, I was planning to become a psychologist. But then I realized that the mind is something we can never understand and therefore it seems like an overwhelming task to try to fix what’s “broken”. So I went the more physical route. I thought about becoming a medical doctor but I decided that I didn’t like their philosophy. So I became a chiropractic physician instead. However, after many years of practice, I found that body, mind and spirit cannot be separated. In order to treat people effectively, I have to address all three.

There is a great deal that goes into a person’s mental and emotional make-up. Let’s look at some of these, which will help to clarify why the mind is so complex. First, I believe we lived as spirits before embarking on this mortal journey here on earth. We experienced a great deal there. In addition to learning, I believe there were some emotional traumas there as well. Although we don’t remember this previous period of our existence, we still carry personality traits and perhaps a few emotional scars. (If you don’t believe this, that’s okay. I have plenty more to share.)

When we’re born, we carry our parents’ DNA. We inherit many traits from them. We’re finding that some of your personality can also be inherited. Epigenetics is an exciting new branch of genetic science that shows that bits of what your parents learned and experienced can be passed along to you. We see this in children that were adopted at birth. They often display mental and emotional characteristics similar to their birth parents, even though they weren’t raised by them. Some parts of the way that we think are passed down to us genetically.

And then of course, there is the way in which we were raised. The first few years are especially impactful, although we are shaped by the entire growing up experience. It’s not just what we’re taught, but we pick up on the attitudes of our parents, their mannerisms, and how they treated us. Sometimes there is physical, mental or sexual abuse. Sometimes we just don’t feel loved or important. We can adopt our parent’s attitudes toward money and other people. All of these things contribute to who we are when we grow up.

Then there’s the brain itself. It is sensitive to physical trauma, disease, toxins, heavy metals, and a host of other factors. My earliest exposure to this issue came when I was a young adult. An acquaintance told me about their father – about how he had always been a very kind, honest, decent person. Then one day he suddenly started to change dramatically and inexplicably. He became mean and would scream foul language at his wife and children. He started drinking and carousing with other women. He was a totally different person. But then he died. Right before he died, they discovered a brain tumor that was affecting the portion of his brain that governed good judgement and behavior. He couldn’t help what he had become and how he was acting.

I admire the work of Dr. Daniel Amen. He’s done a lot with brain health and behavioral psychology. A great tool that we have to work with now, which Dr. Amen uses extensively, is the functional MRI. It not only looks at the physical structure of the brain, but the amount of activity in each part of the brain. He can look at an fMRI of a person and tell you the likelihood of certain personality types and behavior patterns. There can be certain parts of the brain that are barely functioning due to trauma, drugs, etc., which have a huge effect on how a person thinks and acts.

Some of the things that happen to our brain (trauma, etc.) cannot be helped. Some traumas and so forth can be prevented by taking proper precautions (such as wearing a helmet with certain activities). There are many issues that can be prevented by making good decisions early on. We are certainly influenced by all the things that I’ve talked about, but we have a lot more conscious control in the beginning before we form habits and addictions (drugs, pornography, etc.). Once drugs, toxins, etc. have done their damage in the brain, it becomes a lot more difficult to think clearly and discipline ourselves to make positive changes in our life.

Some people are very sensitive to the energy of other people. They can pick up trapped emotions or just be altered by other people’s attitudes. So even the people that we hang out with can alter our thoughts and emotions, which then help drive our actions.

After all of that, even if you take away all of the influences that cloud our thinking and judgement, even if we use pure, unadulterated logic, we can only judge according to the facts that we have available. Even then, we can’t always know if all of the data that we’re considering are true. People, even great scientists, have often drawn incorrect conclusions simply because they were acting on incorrect or incomplete facts.

There are other influences that I can discuss, but you get the idea. When you consider all of the factors that determine our personality and our mental and emotional make-up, you may be wondering if free agency, the ability to consciously choose our actions, even exists. Some would say no. Some people believe that we are simply products of our environment. I believe that’s a very defeatist attitude that can prevent many people from achieving their highest potential and joy in life. To one degree or another (varying from person to person), we all have some ability to reason and to act with conscious direction. To whatever extent that is, it’s vital that we use that free agency to choose wisely. Part of this ability to reason is to consider what I’ve been telling you and to understand what makes you the unique individual you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, your attitudes and beliefs, and all that goes into who you are. That understanding, used properly, can be empowering. Don’t be a slave to what you’ve inherited or what has been done to you, or even to the poor choices you’ve made in the past. Our challenge in life is to rise above such things. Don’t beat yourself up about who you are or have become. Just recognize these factors. Capitalize on your strengths. Avoid, work around, or learn to deal with your weaknesses. There are many tools available to assist you in overcoming the issues that you’ve acquired. The first step is to realize that these issues exist. That right there gives you some power over them. You can succeed and have joy, although it may take a significant amount of effort.

The bottom line, as I see it, is that free will exists. There has been much written about free will vs. determinism or predestination. There are many arguments for both sides. However, I always say that the truth usually exists between two extremes of thought. We must use our free will cautiously and responsibly. However, it’s not fair to yourself or others to imagine that any of us have the freedom to act strictly according to pure logic and clear thinking. I don’t believe it’s possible in our present state. So, take that into consideration when judging yourself or others.

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Beating the Pandemic

September 21, 2020

Covid-19 has upended our lives and our society. It’s a pandemic that has affected people all over the world. I’ve heard many conspiracy theories about it. At times, it seems like more of a political issue than a health issue. I definitely feel that it could have been handled better. I believe that our attempts to contain the coronavirus have actually prolonged the pandemic. Consider the following equation:

E(V)-I=R   (This is not an official equation. As a health professional, this is how I see it and I believe most other health professionals would agree with the basic concept of it. I don’t know how to assign actual numbers to it. It’s simply to demonstrate the relationship between these concepts.)

In other words, exposure times virulence (or severity/contagiousness) minus the level of immunity equals the risk of getting sick. If you look at whether and how much you’re exposed to an antigen (virus) and how contagious it is, it’s an indication of how likely you are to get sick from it. Covid-19 is apparently a very severe and contagious virus. That’s why government and health officials have been putting so much emphasis on minimizing exposure through social distancing, wearing masks (another controversial issue), and so forth. However, there has been very little mention of the other part of the equation – that of immunity. Everyone is looking forward to a vaccine (yet another contested issue) to address the immunity issue. Even if you’re one of those who are anxiously awaiting it, it will take time to get the vaccine and get it distributed. Another possible solution that we’re looking forward to is called herd immunity. That’s when enough people in a community have sufficient immunity to a disease to make it unlikely that anyone will get sick from it and therefore spread it to others. Of course, we first have to build up immunity, which I don’t think is happening very much, which I will explain in a moment.

So, what’s wrong with focusing on limiting exposure? There a number of problems associated with focusing too much on exposure and not enough on immunity. First, we can never be perfect in preventing exposure. Some interaction is necessary. We need to eat, make a living, and so forth. When the pandemic first began and restrictions were being placed on social interaction, we thought it was going to be very short-term. I heard estimates from a few weeks to a few months. Now we’re several months into it with no end in sight. It’s like a wolf is at our door. So we retreated back into our home as we waited for the wolf to go away. Now it’s been so long that we’ve realized that the wolf isn’t going away. We’re at the point where we can no longer hide away in our house, even though it means facing the wolf. In this case, we can’t kill the wolf. So what’s left? We have to protect ourselves against the wolf. We have our own shield. It’s called immunity.

How do you build immunity? To create specific antibodies to a particular virus, it requires some degree of exposure. A vaccination is supposed to be a form of controlled exposure, which will then prompt your body to produce the appropriate antibodies. However, there are possible issues with vaccination, which I will not address here. For the most part, we build antibodies through simple, routine exposure. This creates a huge question for this coronavirus. Do we just go about our normal lives (without social distancing or masks) and hope that it doesn’t wipe us all out before we can build immunity? Government and health officials are obviously working to avoid that. It’s complicated. I believe that even the statistics that we’re getting are not reliable. From what I understand, it’s rare for an otherwise healthy person to die from COVID-19. People with serious health problems are definitely more at risk, but then that’s the case with any disease. The controversial question here is whether or not this coronavirus is the deadly killer disease that the media has made it out to be. Does it justify the fear that surrounds it? Perhaps not, although I can’t prove it. However, if we avoid exposure too much, we delay building specific immunity, which could prolong the pandemic.

Consider the simple hug. On the one hand, it’s the opposite of social distancing. Outside of coughing or sneezing in someone’s face, it could create one of the highest degrees of exposure. On the other hand, I believe that a hug can boost your immunity. Social distancing is isolating people and increasing stress. I believe that this is driving down immunity for many people. So, it’s not just that the immunity part of the equation is being largely ignored, but the efforts to minimize exposure may be actually hurting our immunity.

When the immunity is low, then when exposure is increased at all, the chances of getting sick go way up. In our area, now that the kids have returned to school and college classes are back in session, we’re seeing a huge increase in new positive cases of COVID-19. The knee-jerk reaction of many health and government officials is that we need to limit exposure more – that the social distancing and masks are not enough or that people aren’t following the guidelines. From their standpoint, to a certain extent, this may be true. However, when you look at it from the perspective that I’ve explained, I don’t think that this is the lack of social distancing, but rather the backlash of the social distancing that we’ve been doing. I believe that the social distancing, the fear, the general disruption of our lives and our economy have driven down our immunity. Without building our immunity, this wolf will never go away. I feel that the best approach is to get back to normal as soon as possible (the old normal, not the “new normal”).

I know that there are strong opinions about this both ways. If you’re pro-mask, pro-social distancing and so forth; if you’re convinced that this is a killer disease that requires every bit of avoidance that we can muster (no matter how long it takes or how much it affects our society), then I’m sure you will disagree with my position. I respect that. I would just like to ask you – have you stepped back, away from the fear, and examined the situation from both sides, or have you just taken the media’s word for everything? Think about it… That’s all I ask.

More on Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow Children

June 26, 2019

In my last article, I wrote about indigo children (people). I provided a summarized list of traits that I have seen and that others have described. However, as I mentioned, I don’t think you can positively show that someone is indigo or not based on these traits. No two people are alike. Some people have many of the traits and are not indigo. Some people are indigo but only have a few of the traits. I’m not sure that you can accurately determine if someone is indigo or not from a list of traits that a person may or may not identify with. Something more objective is needed. I believe I have found an objective test. In working with indigo people and doing brain balancing as part of a technique that I developed, I noticed a different pattern of brain energy in indigo people. (This partly involves muscle testing. It’s not an EEG.) Over time, I was able to develop the testing banner2_jpeg (2)further where I could easily tell if someone did or did not have this particular brain energy that I have come to associate with indigos. So I believe that my test is reliable for determining if someone is indigo, without having to simply rely on a list of personality traits.

Most people that I test do not show up as indigo. Being indigo is not very common. Some people, when they learn that they’re not indigo, feel disappointed. It makes them feel less special. Plus they were looking for something to explain some of their unique qualities. As I said in my last article, being indigo is both good and bad. It may give you special talents, but it also gives you special problems. The main thing to remember is that everyone has special gifts, which I believe are given to them by God. Being indigo identifies you as a person with a certain kind of brain energy. It does not make you more special than everyone else. It is unique since it’s not common. However, YOU are unique, whether you’re indigo or not.

So far, I’m the oldest indigo that I’ve found. There may be some older, but I doubt very many. I recently found that my best friend from high school, who is just 5 days younger than me, is also indigo. I believe that’s why we immediately felt so comfortable with each other and liked to spend so much time together (similar brain energy). I was born in 1955. It’s said that many indigos came in the 70’s and 80’s. I personally believe that it’s still increasing, though they are sometimes known by different terms.

Some people have asked me about Crystal Children and Rainbow Children. They are said to be the newer “versions” of Indigo Children. This overall classification of these people with these particular special gifts have been collectively referred to as “Star Children”. Some say that the first wave of star children was indigo, the second was crystal, and the third (and perhaps last) was/is rainbow. I am in the process of studying more about crystal and rainbow children. I have gathered some information but I don’t have a lot to share yet. However, I can’t say that I agree with the consecutive wave idea. I have found indigos from all age groups – from my own all the way down to infants. Indigos are still coming into the world and are probably increasing. What then are crystal and rainbow children? I believe that they are variations of indigo. I have found individuals who test differently from indigos, whom I am classifying as crystal. (I don’t mean to offend anyone in choosing my own way of classifying indigos, crystals and rainbows. But hey, I’m indigo. That’s what we do!) When I can give more definitive information on crystals and rainbows, I will follow up with another article.

So what am I treating with indigo people? I cannot change the fact that they’re indigo, nor would I want to try. However, there are a number of issues that most (if not all) indigos have to deal with, which I can help them with. Indigos’ brain energy reaches out further than other people. This is one of the main reasons why we’re more intuitive, empathetic and effective healers. However, this also makes us more vulnerable to negative energy from other people. We tend to have more energetic imbalances in our brain. And because we tend to be more sensitive and have a harder time fitting in, we need to work on our emotions more. I use a variety of energy balancing techniques to help with these issues.

As an older indigo, and one who is trained and experienced in healing arts, I definitely feel that part of my mission here in this life is to find and help other indigos. Of course, most of the people I work with are not indigo and I help them too. However, I feel especially called to help other indigos. This has a two-fold purpose. For one thing, many indigos don’t deal well with their unique qualities. They can become withdrawn, depressed, distracted, confused, etc. Some even turn to drugs and alcohol to try to cope. I use the Emotion Code, brain balancing and other modalities to help them to live effectively in this world where they may not even feel like they belong. Secondly, I want them to be able to use their gift effectively to help themselves and others to have more joy and success in this life. Being indigo certainly isn’t all bad. Properly understood and somewhat controlled, this unique brain energy can be viewed as the real gift that it is.

If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to visit my website at http://www.goodhealthchiro.com/indigo.html to get more information on indigo children and to sign up for a free, no obligation test to find out if you or your loved one is indigo. Always remember that the purpose of life is to have joy. I wish for you every happiness!

Are you an Indigo Child???

June 19, 2019

I am an “Indigo Child”. And I’m a healer. In my practice of energy work and chiropractic, I have encountered a numbebanner2_jpeg (2)r of other indigo children. One is in his late 20’s, one is a young boy living in Shanghai, China, and one is an infant. The others that I have encountered are adults and children of varying ages. What is an indigo child (or adult)? Wikipedia describes them as “children who are believed to possess special, unusual, and sometimes supernatural traits or abilities. The idea is based on concepts developed in the 1970s by Nancy Ann Tappe and further developed by Lee Carroll and Jan Tober.” This is a New Age term used to describe people who have been born within the last several decades who have a stronger, somewhat different brain energy.

From my own observations and descriptions from others, the following is a summary of traits that are common among indigo people:

  • Naturally intuitive, maybe even a little psychic – able to sense and feel things that many people are unaware of.
  • Non-conformist – resists rigid authority, does not like to follow well-worn paths, prefers to choose their own way (not even conforming to non-mainstream groups).
  • Often feels out of place – doesn’t “belong” – since their energy is different, they often feel like they don’t fit in, especially in school and many other social situations. They’re often a loner, except with people who have similar energy.
  • May be prone to depression, ADD/ADHD, and other social/emotional difficulties.
  • Generally higher IQ – may be very analytical and have a desire to understand how things work (including life).
  • Creative and inventive – music and/or art is important. When combined with non-conformity, they often prefer to come up with new ideas than to use established tools and techniques.
  • Though feelings of inferiority are common, they generally feel that they’re better at seeing the big picture and understanding what’s happening in the world. People say that indigos are very self-assured. They generally know that they’re special, but since they don’t feel like they belong, they often struggle with their feelings of self-worth. Since they often are more assured of their viewpoint, they can be seen as arrogant or cocky. They have high expectations of themselves and others.
  • Are empathetic, curious, and strong-willed.
  • Possess a clear sense of self-definition and purpose – they’re often a leader, have a strong sense of integrity, and have a passion to find and fulfill their purpose in life.
  • Strong tendency toward spirituality, often exhibited early in life. May not be religious unless they find a religion that addresses their drive for purpose and meaning in life. May also feel drawn to the paranormal.
  • They often have a strong feeling of entitlement – feeling like they deserve to be here.
  • Tend to be more emotional – feel more deeply than most people. They don’t want to hurt or disappoint anyone. Money often takes a back seat to fulfillment.

Can you relate to some or all of these traits? If so, you may be an indigo. Do these describe your child, a friend, or someone else? They could be indigo. But how can you really know? No two people are alike. Remarkably, I have two indigo staff members. Their personalities are very different, although they share some of these same characteristics. Someone could have practically every one of these traits but not be indigo. Someone else could only relate to a few of these traits, but definitely be indigo. So how would you know?

Having worked with several indigo children over the last couple of years, and using muscle testing and brain balancing techniques that I use (part of the Vital Balance technique), I’ve noticed certain patterns. Recently I’ve been using some of this testing on almost all of my patients. While it still appears that indigo children are a small part of the overall population, there are many more than I had originally thought! You’re seldom going to find something you’re not looking for. Now that I’m looking for them, they’re not quite as rare as I thought.

Is being indigo a good thing or a bad thing? The answer is a definite yes. In other words, it can be both a blessing and a curse. Indigos can be great healers, but they tend to be far more vulnerable to picking up other people’s negative energy. They may be very spiritual, but are more likely to have attachments from dark forces that they don’t want. They may be more inventive, able to see the bigger picture, be smarter, but feel like an outsider, not a part of the group, which can lead to depression and lack of self-worth, and so on. So there’s plenty of good and bad.

Indigos need special consideration when I do my energy and emotion work. I’ve been able to help them lead more stable and enjoyable lives. I’ve been able to help some of them develop their special talents more so they can help others.

Would you like to know if you or a member of your family is indigo? As I said, I’ve developed a short test of the brain energy to determine if someone is indigo. For a limited time, I’m offering this test for free! You can be in the office, on the phone, or just email. (I do a lot of this work remotely by proxy.) To arrange for this free, no obligation test, go to http://www.goodhealthchiro.com/indigo.html.

 

The Trap of Self-pity

November 27, 2018

I recently had a breakthrough in my life. Through muscle testing and inspiration, it was pointed out to me that I have an issue with self-pity. As I worked on it, I could remember so many times in my life that I’ve felt sorry for myself. I could see how this self-pity was interfering with my life and holding me back. I have partially conquered this issue in my life and am now beginning to see the fruits of it. I don’t believe I’m the only one that has this problem. Self-pity, I believe, is a huge problem for a lot of people in their lives, even though it may not be obvious. The main fruits of self-pity are bitterness, discouragement and depression.Sad pity

Why do we tend to feel sorry for ourselves so much? For some, it could be that they were raised to look at life that way. Perhaps your parents always dwelt on their own problems, or they kept reminding you of your problems. They may have been lovingly expressing sympathy, but inadvertently teaching you to focus on your problems and feel sorrow about them. For others, it could have been the opposite situation. Perhaps no one seemed to care about your problems. You may have felt that the only person you were going to get any sympathy was from yourself. So you learned to feel sorry for yourself. After a while, it was such a normal way of thinking that you became totally unaware of it.

How do we know if we’re feeling sorry for ourselves? Self-pity is an inward-facing emotion. Possible signs include:

  • Moping about or spending a lot of time thinking about your problems and difficult circumstances
  • Repeated or sustained feelings of anger, frustration, depression, resentment or worry about the situation that you’re in
  • Feeling like you’re never good enough or worthy to receive the good things in life that you desire
  • Feelings of inferiority based on your current circumstances
  • Feeling like you just want to give up
  • Dwelling excessively on your own shortcomings and perceived failures

“But Dr. Don,” you say, “my problems are very real! I’ve had terrible things happen to me, many of which were not even my fault! I think I’m entitled to feel sorry for myself. My issues are not self-pity but the horrible crap that I have to put up with!”

You might even say, “I’ve been through a lot. I’ve EARNED the right to be this miserable!”

Perhaps you have. It is certainly not my intention to minimize your problems. We all have issues, from minor annoyances to horrible, gut-wrenching trauma. The question is, do you want to continue to be a victim of the things that have happened to you (or perhaps even the mistakes you’ve made), or do you want to take back control of your life? I’ve known many people who seem to glory in their misery. They want the world to see what a terrible hand they’ve been dealt in life. They want to invite everyone around them to their “pity party”. And again, I’m not making light of their problems. However, wallowing in their misery has become a part of their life.

Keller selfpityIt takes courage to break free of the pattern of self-pity. It takes an open mind and humility to even see the problem. It means taking responsibility for your life and happiness. It can be much easier to blame your circumstances on everything and everyone around you. If you really need to continue wallowing in your misery a while longer, or if you’re not ready to take charge of your situation in life, then stop reading this. Come back when you’re ready. I won’t judge you.

Still with me? Okay. Let’s charge ahead. And that’s much of the solution – KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Half of the solution you may have already accomplished at this point. If a light has just turned on in your head, if you’re starting to realize that you’ve been indulging in self-pity and can see how it’s been holding you back in your life, you’re already halfway there!

I will say this here and now – discouragement is of the devil (the adversary). God will Carnegie selfpityNEVER tell you to give up, stop trying, and just pack it in. Discouragement is one of the first fruits of self-pity. Discouragement makes you just want to give up, to sit down in the middle of the proverbial road and mope in your misery. Once you recognize the patterns of feeling sorry for yourself, then whenever such thoughts come into your mind, you can toss them aside and replace them with “keep moving forward”.

Remember that you can’t steer a parked car.

Does this mean that you stop taking care of your own needs and desires? Definitely not. What do you do when you’re hungry? Do you just plop down in your easy chair and whine about how hungry you are? I hope not! You go get something to eat. If you have nothing to eat, you work on getting some money, or going to the store, or whatever you need to do to get some food. It won’t fill your belly to just sit down and moan about it.

That same principle applies to every other problem in your life. You must focus on the solution, not the problem. Once you acknowledge and understand what the problem is, there’s no need to dwell any further on the problem or how miserable and complicated it’s making your life. Instead, toss aside your negative thoughts and start working on how to solve the problem. If you cannot see any reasonable solution that you can carry out anytime soon, then resolve to have patience. Remember the Prayer of Serenity, which I’ve referenced before –

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

This also reminds me of another saying – “Work will win when wishy-washy wishing won’t”. Keep moving forward!

I must also mention here that true clinical depression is often not the result of self-pity. There can be an imbalance or deficiency of certain chemicals in your brain that cause feelings of depression, even when life is going along okay. You can’t just “cheer up”. If this is the case for you, be sure to see your doctor. (I also help some people with this condition using drugless approaches.) In this case, what I’m saying in this post mostly does not apply to you. However, many people with minor clinical depression can needlessly wind up in a downward spiral. In that case, instead of being initially depressed about your situation, you get physically/chemically depressed and then look for reasons to justify your depression. That makes sense. However, as you find the reasons, the depression gets worse because now you have more motivation to be depressed! So in this situation, the above principles DO apply. Maybe you can’t completely shake the depression, but you may be able to control it better so that it doesn’t become disabling.

Share this blog post. I’ve never asked for this before, but I feel the need to get this message out to as many people as possible. Self-pity manifests itself as other emotions. It’s also not something we like to admit to. Therefore, it’s generally overlooked. Since it is the foundation of some of these other emotional issues, it could be why it’s so hard sometimes to correct ongoing feelings of depression, lack of self-worth, discouragement, etc. I may yet write a whole book about this, but for now, I’ll have to settle for this short blog post. My business has picked up so much, I don’t have much time for writing. In the meantime…

LOOK UP! KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Raging Against What Is

September 20, 2018

people-1316292__340Do you ever find yourself in a situation that is totally unacceptable and yet there isn’t a darn thing you can do about it? This can be one of the greatest sources of frustration in your life. I like to quote from the Prayer of Serenity used by Alcoholics Anonymous:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”

I’ve written previously about the fine line we walk between complacency and acceptance; between moving forward with enthusiasm and confidence versus living with the circumstances that we’ve been given. My patients will never hear these words from me, “You just have to learn to live with it.” I don’t give up. I don’t believe that because a solution doesn’t immediately present itself or that I don’t currently know of any way to provide meaningful treatment for a specific issue right now, that the solution to the problem does not or will not exist. How arrogant it is for a doctor to say that if they don’t have the answer, there is no answer!

Let’s look at that Prayer of Serenity. The first request is to have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. The fact is that there are things you cannot change, at least not in a big way or right away. Imagine that there’s a hurricane bearing down on your city and your house is right in the way. You can board up your windows, secure your belongings and head for higher ground. However, you cannot stop the hurricane! You can rage against it all you want, but it will come whether you like it or not. Perhaps prayer and positive thinking could change its course. However, you yourself do not have the power to stop it or change it in any way.

The second request is that we have the courage to change the things we can. If there is anything that can be done to improve a situation, certainly we should act. Sometimes it does require courage. Remember, if it were easy, you would have done it already. We can do hard things. We can move forward even when the odds seem to be against us.

Lastly, the prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and can’t change. There’s the real kicker. We can so easily be blinded. Our judgement is often clouded by strong emotions. We can feel helpless even though we may be surrounded by solutions. Or we can be ignorantly over-confident, thinking we should be able to easily resolve a situation, but it just isn’t happening, no matter how hard we try; causing us to rage against the situation. This creates huge amounts of stress, which hurts us physically, emotionally and spiritually.

One thing that I would add is that it’s seldom black and white as the prayer seems to suggest. There are some things that we absolutely cannot do anything about, which we just have to accept and be serene as we can about it. However, most things, we can do something about. We may not be able to completely make the problem go away, but we can lessen the problem, find ways to work around the problem, or lessen the effects of the problem. Sometimes we can do something about the problem, but it takes a lot of time and effort. That requires a lot of patience, which really takes us back to the first line of the prayer. We still need serenity to accept things we can’t change 100% RIGHT NOW.

I have great respect for the strength and simplicity of that prayer, but if I were to change it at all, this would be my humble suggestion:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change immediately or completely,
Courage to change the things I can to whatever degree I have the strength and capacity,
And wisdom to know the difference as it stands right now,
As well as patience, determination and tenacity to keep moving forward no matter the odds
.

So don’t stress yourself by raging against what is the current situation. Find peace in doing what you can to improve your situation at this moment and every moment going forward. You cannot coast to your goal, since it usually lies uphill. However, you can feel serenity in taking it one step at a time, whether big or small, depending on your strength and capacity. Still know that there are some circumstances that you may not be able to change. We work with whatever circumstances we find ourselves currently in, whether those circumstances are our own making or have been thrust upon us. We just keep moving forward in faith.

The Tricky Balance of Self-Mastery

May 1, 2018

ScalesI’ve been getting advice and guidance from Kirk Duncan, a local teacher and mentor. A principle that I learned from him goes like this – self-accountability + self-forgiveness = self-mastery. I really like that. And the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this principle is one of the main keys to success for anything in life.

There has to be a balance at all times. If you’re too much on the side of self-forgiveness, you’ll tend to be way too easy on yourself. You’ll just take the attitude that everything is fine and you don’t need to work or improve; that just getting by is all that’s required. In a way, it’s a nice way to be. Less stressful and actually healthier physically and mentally. The problem is that you don’t progress that way. You can’t coast your way to greater success in life. Pretty much anything worthwhile to accomplish in life takes a certain amount of effort, discipline and even sacrifice.

On the other hand, if you’re too much on the side of self-accountability, you’ll be way too hard on yourself. You will have no patience with your faults and weaknesses. If you’re a real go-getter, you may be thinking that you shouldn’t have patience with yourself like that. But it creates a great deal of stress in you that can tear you up inside, destroy health and relationships, and rob you of all happiness. Life is a journey that was meant to be enjoyed. Besides, what I’ve seen in my own life and the lives of others is that without self-forgiveness, you really don’t move forward effectively.

Here’s a little-known secret – success is often the product of joy, not the cause of it! Too many people are pushing themselves harder and harder, making themselves sick and miserable to accomplish their goals, while actually pushing their goals further away. Being sick and miserable does NOT attract success and happiness. Yes, progressing in life and accomplishing goals take effort and sacrifice, but you can do it while feeling joy, not putting off experiencing joy until your goal is accomplished. That’s where self-forgiveness comes in. If you’re really driven to accomplishing great things, you may be prone to beating yourself up every time you fall short of being where you want to be or finishing something you wanted to have done. Feelings of self-worth help to attract greater success. But if you’re constantly beating yourself up every time you make a mistake or don’t accomplish what you wanted to do, you will devalue yourself and put yourself into a place where it’s difficult to think positive and attract good things into your life.

So the key here is balance. If you can maintain accountability for your performance and setting and working toward goals, while forgiving yourself for falling short and for your natural limitations and weaknesses, you can move forward and accomplish great things in your life. It requires a healthy amount of self-honesty and the ability to distinguish reasons from excuses. But even when we fall victim to our own excuses, even the lame ones, we have to understand that we are human and as such, have natural faults and weaknesses. It’s important that we forgive ourselves but then immediately recommit to get back on track and do better next time. Just like a baby learning to walk, there is not a limitation on the number of failed attempts to do better. As long as you commit yourself and keep moving forward, you are a success!

 

The Secret Power of Positivity

March 21, 2018

+++++++ I recently attended another seminar with Kirk Duncan – a very motivational trainer. He spoke about a principle that I’ve known about for a long time but had discounted. Perhaps I didn’t really understand it until now. (I’m still learning about it.) You’ve heard of the saying “garbage in, garbage out” (GIGO). I know that computer programmers used to say that a lot. This applies to everything in life. To put it more broadly, as Kirk was teaching, the type of energy we put into anything will determine the type of results (energy) we get back out.

We’ve known about this principle for a long time in relation to plants. It was discovered a number of years ago that if you play soft, elevating music to plants, they grow better. Many people claim that they’re even affected by the things you say to them. Masaru Emoto used this same principle in his research with water. He wrote a book entitled The Hidden Messages in Water­. In it, he talked about how he would play certain types of music around water. He would then quickly freeze it and look at how the water crystallized. With classical music, it created beautiful even patterns. With hard raucous music (like heavy metal), the ice crystals were very misshapen and disorderly. He got the same kind of results with speech. Gentle affirming words created beautiful crystals, while angry, hateful words created ugly crystals. Writing words on the containers, such as love and hate, did the same thing.

All that is interesting, but it may not make a whole lot of difference in your life. Where it truly makes a difference is with people and situations. In the Bible, it says “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24). Words contain powerful energy. They can be healing or hurtful. What you say cannot be unsaid, even with an apology. Even when you’re joking and the person on the other end knows that you’re joking, negative remarks can be damaging to one’s self-esteem and confidence. It even goes further than that. If you believe in the power of the subconscious mind (as I do), you would realize that even your thoughts about another person have an effect on them. We’re all in contact with each other on an energetic level. But even if you don’t believe that, you must realize that your attitude about another person will come out in your speech toward them, how you look at them, things you do or don’t do for them, etc. You cannot entirely hide your feelings about another person when you’re interacting with them on a regular basis!

But what about the thoughts you think about yourself and your life? Wouldn’t the same rules apply? The type of energy you put in will determine the type of results that you get. You can’t grump your way to success. You can’t complain enough to make your life happy and enjoyable. It doesn’t work that way. If you put in negativity, including fear, doubt, anger, etc., your results will not be what you would like them to be. I’ve written a couple of times about the power of gratitude. Gratitude, faith, love, confidence, etc. will elevate your thinking, open your mind to new possibilities, calm your fears, and drastically improve your chances for success.

Easy, right? Of course not. If your life is humming along and you’re setting and meeting goals and so forth, this kind of thinking may come easier for you. But if you’re depressed and discouraged, if life is not looking at all rosy, if you’re faced with crushing burdens and hardships, how do you turn your thinking around? I’ve listened to lots of motivational speakers who tell me to think a certain way. I keep looking for that little switch in my brain that will change my thinking from negative to positive. I haven’t found it. Have you? I haven’t mastered this, but I’m working on it. I have found that if you start with little things, then you can start to get a handle on it. Kirk Duncan teaches us to say “I manage my emotions; my emotions don’t manage me.” Of course, even he knows that it’s a long process to get to that point. One thing you have to realize is that often times; negative thinking is simply a bad habit. Like any habit, you have to consciously work on changing it, and it takes a lot of practice. Pay attention to your thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, another person, or a situation in your life, quickly replace it with something positive. I’m not saying to be complacent. For example, if you don’t like your job, you don’t have to stick with it for the rest of your life. However, thinking positive thoughts about your job will not lock you into it and it may just make it more enjoyable, which will improve your performance and may lead to a better job.

Remember, positive in = positive out. Negative in = negative out. Whatever you want to grow and improve in your life – your income, your marriage, your performance, whatever – invest positive energy into it and stop putting in negative energy. I believe you’ll be a whole lot happier and successful if you do.

The School of Gratitude

February 15, 2018

gratitudeI’m thankful

for the toes on my left foot. Why would I say such a thing? Because I lost the toes on my right foot! (Be careful with lawn mowers!)

I’ve written before about how one of the greatest secrets to having joy in this life is to feel and express gratitude. It can be hard to feel gratitude (or joy) when you’re depressed, discouraged, or overwhelmed with physical and/or emotional pain. The problem is… when you’re in a deep dark pit or your mind is completely enveloped in some kind of crushing stress, how do you “look on the bright side” and start working your way to a better place? It can be difficult to take even a tiny step in the right direction.

One thing that I’ve learned in life is that you never EVER say that things can’t get any worse. The universe will be glad to prove you wrong. I don’t care how bad things are. They can ALWAYS get worse in some way. Also, when you say that, you’re implying that there’s absolutely nothing to be grateful for. That’s a slap in the face to God and everybody on the planet.

Every successful person will tell you that your attitude and outlook on life has everything to do with your ability to set and achieve meaningful goals. However, that can be a real challenge when life has beaten you down and all you can see any more are the negative aspects of your life. So let’s start with some basics.

There are lots of things in life that we don’t appreciate until they’re gone. Prior to my little altercation with the lawn mower, I can’t remember ever feeling gratitude for my toes. As with many things in life, I just took them for granted. I’m sure there are things in your life that you never really appreciated until it was taken away, even temporarily. Perhaps there was even a really close call that made you appreciate your health and safety.

So in the school of gratitude, basic level, your assignment is to make a list of things that you’re grateful for. The easiest way to approach this is to look around you (including in the mirror) and identify each item that benefits you in some way. Then think about how your life would be made more difficult or less enjoyable if you didn’t have that thing. Remember – it can always get worse. Do you have a broken leg? If not, be thankful for that. If so, be thankful that both legs aren’t broken. If they are, be thankful both arms and legs aren’t broken, and so on. Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you very attractive? If so, be thankful for that. If you don’t think so, I’ll bet you’ve seen someone else who is disfigured or for whatever reason is much less attractive than you. If there is anyone else less attractive than you, that means you have a measure of beauty, for which you can be grateful.

So make that list. You can go through your body parts. You can list all sorts of things in your environment that are luxuries or necessities that benefit you in some way. As you look at things around you, if you would be better off without something, skip over it for now. Otherwise, list it. I think you’ll find that the list will grow very rapidly. As the list grows, you will feel more joy in your life.

Once you’ve mastered that and can feel gratitude for all the things in you and around you, you have earned your bachelor’s degree in the school of gratitude. You’re now ready for the more advanced courses.

Have you ever had trials and difficulties? Of course you have. Have they benefited you in any way? Perhaps more than you think. I believe that we only grow through challenges and difficulties. Some of them are thrust upon us as trials and hardships. Some of them are self-inflicted, such as going back to school and taking hard courses or pushing ourselves to perform a more grueling workout routine. You can seldom cruise your way to meaningful success. You don’t generally accomplish great things sitting on your couch watching mindless TV shows. Work is required. Also, there are trials that you’ve gone through that have made you stronger or more empathetic or have helped you appreciate the good things in life more. I don’t recommend sticking your foot in your lawnmower. I can’t say that I’m glad I did that (I tripped actually), but I have learned from it. Be thankful for the lessons and growth that have come from hardships.

Another thing you can do is to look around again. Pay specific attention to the things you skipped over. Maybe they weren’t just things. Perhaps some of them were people and relationships. Especially in light of what I was just saying about trials, there may be some benefits that you missed as you were making your initial list. Often times, we can look closer and consider ways in which we’ve benefited. It doesn’t work in all cases, but sometimes we can find some blessings in the midst of horrible circumstances.

If you can do all of this, you’ve earned your master’s degree in the school of gratitude. Shall we talk about how to take it even further? There are a few ways in which we can feel gratitude at the highest level.

One way is to feel gratitude for benefits and blessings not yet received. This is called faith. A simple way is to think about your next paycheck. There’s no guarantee until you have it in your bank account. However, you’re reasonably confident that you will get it around the designated time. Therefore, why wait to feel gratitude for it? Feeling thankful for things and exercising faith helps to draw more good to us. So you might as well start feeling grateful now. There are blessings on their way to you right now, some of which you’re not even aware of. So be grateful for them now.

Another way to feel the most advanced form of gratitude, which is something that most people struggle with and why it’s part of the school of gratitude’s doctoral program, is to feel grateful for other people’s good fortune, even when it’s something that you desire and have not yet been able to attain. “Sour grapes” is more the common attitude in that situation. It’s easier to feel jealousy, resentment and disappointment, maybe even a loss of self-esteem. But you’re becoming an expert in gratitude. Therefore you can take on that challenge.

Lastly, especially if you recognize God’s hand in your life and you feel confidence that he has a plan for you, it becomes possible to feel grateful for everything in your life. This even applies to trials and hardships while you’re in the middle of them. It doesn’t mean that you have to be a martyr or to enjoy the pain that they cause. But it does mean that you understand that everything has a purpose and that all things will work together for your good.

I hope you don’t feel like I’m being overly optimistic. I still get down sometimes. I’m not trying to minimize difficulties that you’re going through. However, I maintain that whatever degree of gratitude you can feel and express is the degree to which you can feel joy in this life, even if it’s small. If you’re feeling very down, start with that basic list that I described earlier. Do it today.

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Dare to Dream

January 31, 2018

abundanceAlfred Lord Tennyson once wrote, “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” This statement is often quoted and yet not everyone agrees with it. If you’ve ever had your heart broken, especially recently, you may think this statement is not at all true. But I believe I know what he was talking about. Even if you have lost at love, your life is richer for having experienced it.

I’d like to ask you another question, perhaps much more controversial. Is it better to have dreamed and lost than to have never dreamed at all? For those who have dared to dream of what they’d like to see in their life, some have become embittered. I know of many people, especially older people, who would say that they wished they had never had a dream or set a big goal. They may have been repeatedly hurt, disappointed, abused, or ripped off. They took their minds to great heights only to come crashing down. Sometimes the pain is too much to want to get up and try again.

Let’s look at the story of Joe. (This is hypothetical but all too common.) Joe was a country boy who always wanted to have a farm of his own. However, he was urged to pursue another career path. So he went to school and got a job in the city. It was a good job, but his heart wasn’t truly in it. Finally one day, he decided to pursue his dream. He didn’t just up and quit his job. He worked hard, sacrificed and saved until he could earn enough money for a good down payment on a farm. The day finally arrived when he was able to purchase a farm and move back to the country. It took all of his savings to pay for the down payment on the farm, a minimal amount of equipment and seed to plant. He planted his crop and worked very hard to get it to grow well. His efforts were soon rewarded with a large field of beautiful corn stalks. The stalks were full of ears of corn. It looked like it would be a bumper crop.

Then tragedy struck. A huge storm laid the crop low. None of the corn was salvageable. It was a total loss. Joe’s savings were wiped out. His plans for a great crop that year were completely ruined.

What would you do if you were Joe? Would you sell the farm and go back to your old life? Or would you try again? Should Joe have just settled for his job in the city and never attempted to live his dream? It certainly would have been easier.

The purpose of life is to have joy. Joy comes from relationships and experiences. Unfortunately, relationships and experiences often result in pain. To have neither joy nor pain is to simply exist. That is not living. So I ask again – is it better to have dreamed and lost than to have never dreamed at all? It’s important here to step back and look at the bigger picture. We can ask the question in another way. Is it better to have dreamed a dream, including working hard to accomplish that dream, and lost than to look back on your life and see that it was wasted as you wallowed in mediocrity, too afraid of pain to try for the joy? This could be one of the most important questions that you can ever ask yourself.

I’ve known a lot of joy in my life. However, I have had dreams smashed or just never come to fruition. I’ve worked hard for things only to have them taken away. I’ve been burned a number of times and experienced a lot of pain. How many times should you have to get burned before you learn to stay away from the fire? That seems like a logical question. And yet, is it better to spend your life in the cold and darkness simply because you’re afraid of the fire?

Some dreams take a long time to come true and come with a host of setbacks along the way. Some dreams end in painful disappointment. However, EVERY GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT STARTS WITH A DREAM. Don’t let the fear of pain keep you from reaching for the joy. My wife always says, “the answer is always no if you don’t ask”. You may be afraid of failure. However, failure (the lack of accomplishment) is guaranteed for those who will not try. You’re far more likely to have wonderful things happen in your life if you’re not afraid to dream. Dreams become goals, goals lead to action, action brings results. So dare to dream!