One thing that I’ve found in my life, which helps me to be happier and more effective, is to stay in the present. It’s okay to briefly visit the past or future from time to time, but it’s best to stay grounded in the present most of the time.
Some people get stuck in the past. For some, it’s reliving past triumphs and accomplishments. That’s nice to feel those feelings again. However, if it keeps you disconnected from the present, those memories can distract you from the opportunities of today. Every day can be filled with learning and accomplishments. There are still trophies to be won, even just emotional ones. There are connections to be made that you could miss if you’re stuck in the past.
For other people living in the past, it’s not such a nice place. Dwelling on past failures and mistakes prevents you from moving forward and destroys your self-esteem. Forgive yourself! Then move on. Sometimes we get caught up in what other people (or even God) have done to us. We dwell on how we’ve been hurt, how we’ve been wronged, how we’ve been robbed of what we worked hard to accomplish or acquire. Anger and resentment can flare up even many years after an incident. If someone stabbed you with a knife, would you take out the knife and use that same knife to stab yourself over and over again just to prove how much they hurt you? Of course not! You would remove the knife and allow the wound to heal. “Yeah but, I can’t let them off the hook for what they did to me!”, you might say. Does stabbing yourself over and over with their knife make them more responsible? Removing the knife and allowing the wound to heal does not free them from responsibility for what they did. Forgiving someone is more about your own healing, not clearing someone of responsibility of having wronged you.
Why should you forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it? Again, it’s more about your own healing than theirs. Maybe the crime against you was heinous and “unforgivable”, one that is obvious to anyone who hears about it, such as being raped or having an innocent loved one murdered. Sometimes it’s not so obvious. Many times, we feel horribly wronged by someone who doesn’t think that they did anything bad to you. Understand that it’s a matter of perception. No matter how sure you are of being wronged, or how obvious it is, it’s important that you stop stabbing yourself with their knife by reliving the incident (or incidents) over and over continuously. It’s time to remove the knife and allow the wound to finally heal. For your own sake, and for the sake of your loved ones and those around you, let it go as much as you can and move on! Choose to be happy.
The future can also be a big distraction. It can also be viewed from either a positive or negative viewpoint. Sometimes we get caught up in dreaming about wonderful possibilities. That’s a great thing to do. We don’t want to live there though. We need to stay grounded in the present so we can get the things done that will help us realize our dreams.
Too often, our thoughts of the future are filled with worry and doubt. We definitely don’t want to spend a lot of time there. To avoid that, we should make an effort to think positively about the future. Worry never accomplished anything good. Preparing for possible negative outcomes is a good thing. That’s why we buy insurance. However, dwelling too much on bad things that could happen, even when there is a strong possibility of one of them coming to pass, can interfere with the likelihood of good things happening. If you can’t see any way for a positive outcome to be a likely possibility, stop beating your head against the wall trying to figure out HOW it can possibly happen. Do your best to think positively about the future.
Again, whether it’s positive or negative, past or future, focus primarily on the present. Enjoy the gift that it is.
It takes courage to break free of the pattern of self-pity. It takes an open mind and humility to even see the problem. It means taking responsibility for your life and happiness. It can be much easier to blame your circumstances on everything and everyone around you. If you really need to continue wallowing in your misery a while longer, or if you’re not ready to take charge of your situation in life, then stop reading this. Come back when you’re ready. I won’t judge you.
NEVER tell you to give up, stop trying, and just pack it in. Discouragement is one of the first fruits of self-pity. Discouragement makes you just want to give up, to sit down in the middle of the proverbial road and mope in your misery. Once you recognize the patterns of feeling sorry for yourself, then whenever such thoughts come into your mind, you can toss them aside and replace them with “keep moving forward”.
I’ve written before about how the purpose of life is to have joy and that happiness can be gained in a variety of ways, especially with expressing gratitude. Since we’re all looking for happiness, it’s normal to associate happiness with particular people, places, events, foods, etc. This can sometimes be helpful. When we start to lose our way on the path to joy, they can be an anchor – something we can return to that reminds us of happier times, thus enabling us to re-experience that feeling of happiness. Sometimes however, these associations can be destructive. Perhaps the most common of these are sweet foods. People frequently get into a cycle where they eat to feel happy (comfort foods), but then they gain weight. When they see the weight gain, it causes a degree of sadness and disappointment. So where do they go for comfort? Sweet, fatty foods. Then they get into that downward spiral. I knew another guy who was a clean freak. He would spend so much time cleaning that he would often fall short on other important responsibilities. That would make him feel guilty. How did he deal with the feelings of guilt? Clean some more.
Chicken vs. egg – which comes first? Compared to many of life’s pressing questions, that one seems easy. As I’ve studied cause and effect over the years, and as I’ve learned about principles of happiness, success, the law of attraction, etc., I’ve had to change many of my former paradigms. For instance, I’ve always thought that if I could be “successful”, I would then be happier. Now, I’m finding that success is often the result of happiness, not the cause of it. Another one – if I could solve my most pressing problems, I would be at peace. That’s logical, isn’t it? And yet, it appears that the best condition for finding answers to your problems is to be at peace. When you can take a deep breath, have faith, believing an answer will come, and accept the situation for what it is, you allow that peace to come into your mind, which allows inspiration to flow and answers to come. It doesn’t always come right away or like a brick upside the head. It often comes, softly and subtly. That’s how inspiration works.
pation almost as if it were on your doorstep right now. There is only such a thing as now as far as the universe is concerned. We operate in a world of time though. So some patience is often required.
