One thing that I’ve found in my life, which helps me to be happier and more effective, is to stay in the present. It’s okay to briefly visit the past or future from time to time, but it’s best to stay grounded in the present most of the time.
Some people get stuck in the past. For some, it’s reliving past triumphs and accomplishments. That’s nice to feel those feelings again. However, if it keeps you disconnected from the present, those memories can distract you from the opportunities of today. Every day can be filled with learning and accomplishments. There are still trophies to be won, even just emotional ones. There are connections to be made that you could miss if you’re stuck in the past.
For other people living in the past, it’s not such a nice place. Dwelling on past failures and mistakes prevents you from moving forward and destroys your self-esteem. Forgive yourself! Then move on. Sometimes we get caught up in what other people (or even God) have done to us. We dwell on how we’ve been hurt, how we’ve been wronged, how we’ve been robbed of what we worked hard to accomplish or acquire. Anger and resentment can flare up even many years after an incident. If someone stabbed you with a knife, would you take out the knife and use that same knife to stab yourself over and over again just to prove how much they hurt you? Of course not! You would remove the knife and allow the wound to heal. “Yeah but, I can’t let them off the hook for what they did to me!”, you might say. Does stabbing yourself over and over with their knife make them more responsible? Removing the knife and allowing the wound to heal does not free them from responsibility for what they did. Forgiving someone is more about your own healing, not clearing someone of responsibility of having wronged you.
Why should you forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it? Again, it’s more about your own healing than theirs. Maybe the crime against you was heinous and “unforgivable”, one that is obvious to anyone who hears about it, such as being raped or having an innocent loved one murdered. Sometimes it’s not so obvious. Many times, we feel horribly wronged by someone who doesn’t think that they did anything bad to you. Understand that it’s a matter of perception. No matter how sure you are of being wronged, or how obvious it is, it’s important that you stop stabbing yourself with their knife by reliving the incident (or incidents) over and over continuously. It’s time to remove the knife and allow the wound to finally heal. For your own sake, and for the sake of your loved ones and those around you, let it go as much as you can and move on! Choose to be happy.
The future can also be a big distraction. It can also be viewed from either a positive or negative viewpoint. Sometimes we get caught up in dreaming about wonderful possibilities. That’s a great thing to do. We don’t want to live there though. We need to stay grounded in the present so we can get the things done that will help us realize our dreams.
Too often, our thoughts of the future are filled with worry and doubt. We definitely don’t want to spend a lot of time there. To avoid that, we should make an effort to think positively about the future. Worry never accomplished anything good. Preparing for possible negative outcomes is a good thing. That’s why we buy insurance. However, dwelling too much on bad things that could happen, even when there is a strong possibility of one of them coming to pass, can interfere with the likelihood of good things happening. If you can’t see any way for a positive outcome to be a likely possibility, stop beating your head against the wall trying to figure out HOW it can possibly happen. Do your best to think positively about the future.
Again, whether it’s positive or negative, past or future, focus primarily on the present. Enjoy the gift that it is.
